5. three little pigs

Helena says I was a pig in my last life. Helena is my mentor, my guru, and my guide when it comes to animals, so I believe every word she says. At first I was reluctant to accept that I might have been a pig, but after my experiences with a trio of hoggish ‘cousins’ I’m proud of the idea.

It all started with Eisbein. We offered to take this perfect, spoilt pig as his previous owners were finding him rather troublesome in their Durban suburban home, but his arrival was greeted with disgust by our dogs. They were totally confused by this creature whose back resembled his front.

Eisbein is a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig, and pot-bellied he is. Nusu, the German Shepherd, promptly took to some serious pot-belly bashing, whilst Callie, the border collie – delighted to have something to herd – nipped Eisbein’s ears to correct his movements.

When Eisbein’s ‘mother’ announced she was coming to visit Milimani, we panicked, thinking she’d be horrified at how the dogs have treated him. Some mad patching-up was needed to cover the superficial scars made by the dogs. Elizabeth Anne’s shampoo and some buffing hid the evidence and soon he looked as perfect as when he’d arrived. Poor Eisbein, he had a difficult time until the pecking order settled down and he’d established his position at the top.

Then there are the warthogs. Outside our kitchen door we fall over two young males that have been with us since their tiny tails could stand on end. Their mother has kicked them out to make way for the new litter, but whilst their siblings went off into the big pig world, these two remained ‘mummy’s boys’. Fortunately a fence divides them from the dogs, but the bravado this encourages is sometimes forgotten and confrontations have been traumatic. The warthogs share their feeding spot with the chickens and Egyptian geese, who are often sent into involuntary flight. Compared with Eisbein, who never knows what day it is, the warthogs are far more energetic and have heaps of personality.

Finally there are the bushpigs. Of all my boarish connections, bushpigs are my favourite. We have parented several bushpigs, from young orphans to slightly older, rehabilitated ones, and despite the species’ terrible reputation they have all wormed their way into our hearts and touched our soul. Bacon, Beans and Hamlet were the first to arrive, followed by Picollo and Wig. Bacon, Beans and Hamlet have been released, but Picollo and Wig were mere babes in arms when they arrived and had to be bottlefed – which of course meant they stayed in the house. Picollo settled down well in the bathroom, but was soon booted out when Ken suffered from sensahumourfailure after tripping over her and her ‘late night messages' for the umpteenth time. Fortunately the dogs willingly accepted her, contrary to their attitude to Eisbein. They probably knew that this pig was going to grow up more dangerous than Eisbein could ever imagine.

Wig was only two weeks old when we got her and she spent many nights in the bathroom. When her nocturnal antics became too rowdy, she happily settled down in the shoe cupboard. 

Being a mere 10cm high, she knew all about feet and shoes, but not much else.

So, if Helena is right my combined personality should be fat, lazy and manipulative, with heaps of personality and a love of shoes. Wonder what I’ll be in my next life?

Published in Country Life, May 2002.

Other blogs by Lois Kuhle:

SMOKE RINGS IN CUBA. A TWO WEEK JOURNEY FILLED WITH SALSA, SUNSHINE AND SILLY PEOPLE: http://smokeringsincuba.blogspot.com/2013/10/smoke-rings-in-cuba-journey-filled-with.html

COOL THOUGHTS. MUSINGS AND OTHER MAD MOMENTS:  http://loiskuhlethoughts.blogspot.com/2013/12/we-have-pending-nuptials.html